


You're the Shiver That I Can't Shake

by DeLoreanFlight



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 39 years old Harry, 41 years old Louis, And More Angst, Angst, Break Up, Exes to sort of lovers, Long haired Harry, Louis POV, M/M, Nostaglic ending but also kinda happy?, Silver Fox Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:28:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22667770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeLoreanFlight/pseuds/DeLoreanFlight
Summary: Time can change lots of things, but it certainly won't change the way Louis feels for Harry. And even after more than a decade, Harry is still the high he needs and the habit he can't break.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	You're the Shiver That I Can't Shake

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, lovely people. This is most probably my last Larry fic. I came to a point where I don't really think they are together anymore, despite I still believe they are endgame, meant to each other or whatever...  
> But listening to HS1 and Walls made me think they both really fucked up each other and times so I don't think anyone is the villain here. I just wanted to write this last fic because even though I don't care the way I did before, I still kinda need them to have their happy ending, and I came across this idea after watching "Dolor y gloria" (Pain and Glory) by Pedro Almodóvar. I wanted to explore what would happen between Louis and Harry after years and years without seeing each other. I wanted to write about them still being in love with the other one even though when they didn't meet in more than a decade.  
> Anyways...this is what I came up with, and the lovely Olivia, [@obviouslyarauxo](https://twitter.com/obviouslyarauxo) on twitter, who helped me with the edition.  
> It’s super short but I hope you like it.

_**2020** _

Louis and Harry don’t talk anymore when they meet. There’s nothing left to say, if Louis is being honest. Well, at least on his behalf he said what he felt and poured out his whole heart in Walls. Every time they were together they just had sex; angry sex, sad sex, and emotional sex. But they never really  _ talked _ . They just went straight into it, either one of them would just walk towards the other to kiss hungrily, drowning the words they couldn’t find or say, biting each other’s mouths and finding themselves tangled into each other in bed. Sometimes, they didn’t even bother with the foreplay, they just opened each other right there, in the middle of the kitchen or the living room or the bathroom. Just like what Harry wrote in his song, spreading each other open was the only way of knowing one another. Louis had scratch marks all over his back from nails digging into his back. Harry had them too and getting physical was their way of making up the unsaid words. Louis didn’t think he would ever feel so exposed and naked about a song as the way he did with Fine Line. A song that leaves Harry equally vulnerable and naked if he's been really honest. And that one song makes him think that maybe Harry is still not completely over him after all. But it’s too late now. They both fucked up in many ways so many times, not just the situation but also each other, that they both mutually discussed and decided that it was better they split up for good than hurt each other over and over again. However this time, it seems like they both plan on committing to their promise. But not until they see each other once for a last time. 

When they see each other and have dinner together, Louis musters the courage and forces himself to talk. It’s tough no doubt, it’s difficult, it hurts, they cry and talk about shit they wouldn’t like to talk about but they do it, so they can get closure properly. They do, but then they fall to an awkward silence like strangers and they stay like that for few minutes that seemed like hours.

“So, I guess it is time for me to leave now,” Harry whispers, standing up.

Louis smiles with immense sadness “I’ll walk you out.”

They both walk towards the exit, and Harry only kisses Louis on the cheek.

“That’s it? This is how we are going to say goodbye to an almost ten-year relationship?” 

“I’m sorry,” Harry barely whispers, not even looking at him. Harry looks torn and it Louis’ heart shatters into pieces. Maybe it’s for the best, he tries to convince himself.

When Louis closes the door, all he can feel is a big black hole in the middle of his chest. He feels as if he was being crushed by air and his legs and arms feel nothing but numb. His eyes burn, and he feels tears streaming down his face. He stays there for a moment, trying to remember how to breathe, trying not to think how his soul physically hurts. At this moment, he realizes he doesn’t want to let go of Harry that way, so he opens the door and runs towards Harry before he loses him forever. When he catches him, he can't help but be frozen. It’s Harry. He is standing there, eyes glassy and red as if he's been crying. He doesn’t say anything, he just surges in forward desperately and crashes his mouth harshly into his, grabbing him by the face with his hands and slipping them through his body to pull him closer, to kiss him so hard he feels his teeth against his own. It hurts a bit but that’s all Louis wants now. That is the last time Louis and Harry make love to each other. 

* * *

_**2032** _

Louis is still asking himself if what just happened was real or not. Last night, Harry called him out of the blue, and of course he picked up because even after all this time, he still cared about him like a fool. After all they were bandmates for five years and lovers for an even longer time. After their last time together, they saw each other a few timesin the first years of the hiatus. Then they texted a few times, but they never met again. They just congratulated each other by WhatsApp or mail about their successes and that was it. Finally they stopped calling each other, and this stopped after two years of the hiatus, so now it was now ten years since he last heard from him.

But yesterday, out of the blue, Harry called him and told him that he was in town and that he saw him in an interview after a long time since being missing in action, and was he curious about his life. They talked for a while, and the conversation somehow ended in Harry inviting Louis to his house the next night so they could catch up and Louis finding himself unable to say no. He won’t lie, he almost choked on air when he saw Harry’s number on his screen. 

So here he is now, ringing the bell at the address Harry just gave him, wondering why he agreed to do such nonsense in the first place.

When Harry opens the door he can’t help but feel his heart jumping into his throat. It has been so long. Sure, he saw him in different movies and in headlines being the sensation that he always was. With a pinch of salt he can admit that he would often catch up regularly who Harry was dating at the moment. Louis is feeling very nervous if he's being honest and why not? It has been years since they last met. Harry doesn’t look very different than he did years ago. Sure, the baby face is gone for good, but his green eyes are still as piercing as ever and his mouth is even more pink and plump. His hair is long again. Of course he knew because it was all over the magazine, but it looks so good on him. And he’s dressed in a chill way. With his old Rolling Stones shirt that somehow made it alive after so long God knows how because he had bought it when he was a teenage boy, and some tight jeans. Louis can’t help but flicker his eyes quickly to his thighs and back to his eyes again. They stay quiet for a second. Louis doesn’t know how he should greet him. Luckily enough, Harry just goes for in and hugs him tightly, and Louis realizes his smell hasn’t changed one bit either. He hugs him back, and lets himself get lost in that sensation he used to love so much in the past, smelling the scent of his curls. And for a second Louis feels lucky to be wrapped up in Harry’s warm arms again.

“Hi,” Harry finally says when he breaks apart.

“Hi,” Louis greets back, twisting his fingers nervously, feeling like a teenager even though he is a grown up 41 years old man.

“How long has it been?” Harry asks as he closes the door. “Twelve years?”

“Twelve years, yeah… Last time was-"

“In 2020, after you released your album,” Harry finishes for him. Louis just nods.

“Yeah.”

“But wow, you haven’t changed a bit. I was wondering if it was because of the screen magic but no. You really look the same.”

“Except for the grey hair, huh?”

“Yeah…but it suits you,” Harry smiles, dimple on his cheek, that dimple he always felt so weak about. “Who would have thought you’d turn into a silver fox?” 

If he chokes on air, Louis dissimulates really well.

Louis smiles back at him. “You haven’t changed much either. But you don’t have grey hair.”

“Oh,well… That’s because I dye them a bit,” he confesses with a half smile and Louis chuckles.

“Of course you do,” Harry nods, grinning again, and Louis clear his throat “So… Did you wanna talk about something?”

“Uhm, well, I just wanted to catch up. If that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, yeah, it is.”

Harry leads him to the kitchen where he grabs two beers, and before he knows, they are both deep in a conversation, laughing like kids about old times. Harry still talks slowly, dragging his words, still mutters “Heeeey” when Louis does a joke, and Louis feels kinda endured about it.

“So how’s Freddie?” He asks. 

“He’s great. About to turn 16 actually. He is already taller than I am.”

“That’s crazy.”

“That’s crazy, yeah, yeah. Time really flies, huh?”

“What about Briana? Do you talk or…”

“Not really. We talk about Freddie, have the relation that two parents of the same kid who were never together can have, but that’s it. I’m not very fond of her and her family, and it’s the same way the other way round. But we do our best for Freddie’s sake.” He explains and Harry nods.

“And Eleanor? What happened to her?” Louis chuckles, he really did go there.

“Got bored after a while. Didn’t want to pretend she was dating anymore. Lasted long enough, innit? We still talk and still are kinda friends, though.” Harry clenches his jaw, and he can swear he notices a flicker of bitterness in his eyes 

“She got married, went to her wedding at all.”

Harry nods and drinks a sip of beer. “And you are not dating at all right now, are you?”

“Nope.” he replies popping out the P. “So what about you? Are you dating? You never got married, nor had kids, for what I saw. I thought you wanted kids.”

  
  


“I am dating, yeah. But no, I never got married. Never found anyone.”

“Not even your current girlfriend?”

“Not even my current girlfriend, no. And I didn’t want to have a kid with a random chick, you know. ”

Louis laughs humorlessly. “That was a low blow,” he replies, shaking his head while drinking a sip of beer. 

They both stay silent for a second, a second in which the air feels so tense he felt he could cut it with a knife. 

“I don’t know why we are doing this shit even after twelve years. We’ve been over this more times that I can count, Harry. I know I fucked up with you, okay? And I’m really sorry about it. I am.” 

Harry is looking down now, and Louis thinks there might be tears in his eyes. “I was 23, wild, reckless and above things I was irresponsible. Just like you were in your mid twenties, after we split up for good and while we still saw each other from time to time.” He spits, angrily. 

Harry is not even looking at him now, he is just staring down, unable to make eye contact with him, his long hair covering part of his face. 

Louis continues, “The difference is that I happened to have a kid. But I love Freddie. I do, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry says, lifting up his head to finally look at him. His eyes were glassy.

“You can’t just say shit like this, Harry, We are not young anymore. Is this really what you wanted to talk about? Fuck.” Louis runs his fingers through his hair.

“I always thought we were going to have kids someday,” he hears him saying, and maybe, just maybe, he feels dying a little bit inside.

“Yeah, I know…” Louis replies sadly, chewing in his lower lip “I thought so, too.”

“It kinda sucks, doesn’t it?”

“It kinda does, yeah.”

Before he realizes it, Harry is in front of him, cornering him against the counter. Flashbacks were running into his memory, back to all those times in which they were standing just like this. Back to all those times in which Harry would trap him against his body and the wall to kiss him passionately. 

“Why is it always so difficult between us.”

“It’s just the way things are, Harry…” Louis presses his lips.

Harry smiles sadly and sighs.

“Is it crazy than even after all this time I’m still dying to kiss you the same way I did 23 years ago when I was just a boy?”

Louis looks up to stare at him, goosebumps running all through his spine, his stomach twisting in nervously.

“Harry…” he gasps. He doesn’t think he has enough strength to say no right now. And he hates it, he hates the fact that Harry still has this power over him. It was always so electric between the two of them. It was always more than just physical; he always felt so drawn to him, as if there was something stronger than a magnet between them.

“And I think you feel the same way. I can tell it. Have known you for so long.” It's the truth. 

“Yes, Harry, of course I do, but things are different now.”

“Just one kiss, please” Harry says, leaning into his neck to press his lips on his skin soft enough to make Louis shiver, to make him feel goosebumps running all through his body. He closes his eyes, he knows the ethical and logical thing here would be to stop this. 

But then again, they were never very ethical or logical to begin with, not when they first kissed while he was dating Hannah, and not when they kept seeing in secret after they broke up the second time and they both started dating different people; they just couldn’t stop whatever was going on between them.

“You have a girlfriend.”

  
  


Harry pulls himself off his neck, leaning into himself now, stopping just a few inches away from his face.

“I know” Harry half smiles, looking at him, his green piercing staring straight into his soul eyes. It’s not a cocky half smile though, but more of a nostalgic one. Louis’ heart shrinks into his chest and all he can think of is about how much he wants this and about much he’s dying to taste him again. All he can feel is Harry’s breath against his face and the warmth his body is irradiating. He feels naked, he feels exposed, and he knows it is because nobody knows him the way Harry does. It’s been so long and honestly he doesn’t care if it is right or wrong. He doesn’t care if he is not standing firm to his word. Truth be told, the fact is that deep down somewhere he knew he was going to break it sometime, but he kept it up for much longer than expected. All he wants is Harry’s mouth on his, and Harry’s hands on his body. All he wants is to touch Harry the same way. 

Louis nods and Harry closes in the gap into a bruising kiss. Louis lets himself breathe against him, getting intoxicated by his smell, by his flavor, by all those feelings than ran through his body every time they used to kiss, and when Harry grabs him both by the face and hips, and all he can feel is a wave of heat invading every inch of his skin and the adrenaline pumping through his veins. Louis presses his body against his, craving in for more, feeling Harry’s hips against his thighs, running and tangling his fingers through Harry’s long locks and making him hiss when he pulls it a bit. And all of this makes him realize that kissing Harry will always be a drug to him, like that addiction he just can’t get rid off. Harry was his high, and that never changed. Not even after twelve long years, now when he is 41 and Harry is 39. But he also realizes that no matter how hard he tries, he will never stop loving him. He did try, he even learned how to keep his mind off him, learnt the way it didn’t hurt anymore, but kissing him right now makes him realize that Harry will always be the one. That’s why he doesn’t stop any of it, and that’s why he doesn’t even have second thoughts when they end up making love. 

That is why he lets Harry bury himself in him, their sweaty bodies melting as one under the sheets, both gasping into each other’s mouths and skins, between kisses and nibbles and marks, all the things they still want to do to each other but specially, all the things they still feel for one another. They both broke the promise they made to themselves more than a decade ago, and he doesn’t really regret it. It was always like this between the two of them, and eventually he accepted it. 

Because the truth is that he prefers having him like this than not having him at all, and he thinks- rather he knows- Harry feels the same way.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, did you like it? I hope you did  
> [@DeLoreanFlight](https://twitter.com/deloreanflight)


End file.
